Transcript: Episode 2: The Truth About Trauma

Transcript:

A Teaser on the EDHIR Process

Dr. Jeannine: This is actually how the EDHIR process came to be. First, I had to explore where all of them are. Then, I had to discover all the different versions of Jeannine. I had to bring them into that safe, sacred space within my own being, and heal them. Give them all the things that they needed. I had to integrate them, and then learn how to relate with all of the healed versions of me, which is still an ongoing process. Because at the end of the day, who are you spending the most time with? Yourself. The absolute most important relationship we have is with ourselves. And that is the most precious thing that I have learned within this journey of trauma.

[Music]

The Truth About Trauma: Why We Chose Our Specialty

Dr. Jeannine: Hello everybody. This is episode two, "The Truth About Trauma." Today, for this episode, what we're going to be talking about and discussing with each other is why we chose trauma as a specialty. So, Dr. Alina, I would like to know at what point in your career did you realize that you wanted to specialize in trauma?

Dr. Soto's Journey: From Massage Therapy to Trauma Specialist

Dr. Soto: Yeah. So that one is quite a long story. I'm very curious to hear more, but essentially, the short of it basically is that I decided that trauma was going to be a specialty of mine maybe six years before I actually did it. At the time, I did not realize that's what I was going to be choosing. Before I went to medical school, I was actually a massage therapist. While I was in massage therapy, it introduced me to a lot of different things about how the mind essentially stores emotions in the body. I realized one day that the amount of physical pain somebody was in—if I managed to release it, so whatever work we did managed to reduce the tension or reduce the pain—what ended up happening is sometimes the person would share with me a pretty intense story, and it usually matched the same amount of pain that they had physically.

This kind of got me thinking about, "Oh, you know, there's more to mental health than just things that are in your head." There's something to this mind-body thing. The mind and the body are not separate things. We're processing everything as one. I think that was my very first intuitive hit that this was my path, but I hadn't fully realized it yet. So, for me, I just took that as, "Oh, I want to now move into a career that's more holistic, more well-rounded." And that led me on the path to doing naturopathic medicine and eventually going to naturopathic medical school.

It wasn't until after school that I started getting more interested in seeing progress—helping people be able to see within so they could step out of these limitations from trauma. So, being stuck in these repeating patterns due to a major event. A lot of people feel like there's no way through. I can't see anything beyond this. But that's actually not true. I really enjoyed that part, and I really wanted to get good at it. And so, I actually took an entire post-doctorate degree in trauma studies.

Dr. Jeannine: Wow.

Dr. Soto: Yeah. And that's when I started getting really interested in things. I feel like the field of trauma is one of the fields where everyone in that field is interested in combining the research we see in neuroscience and the research we see in psychology. And prior to that, I noticed that a lot of those fields kind of tend to fight each other. But in the field of trauma, it's like, "Hey, this problem is so intense or so big, we need to listen to everyone." We need to start combining things and try to figure out how to address this issue that's so difficult. That's what attracted me to it. At first, it was just recognizing that there was more to this. There was way more to mental health than just what was in your head. Eventually, you learn that the mind is actually something that emerges out of all of the plexi, like the entire nervous system. So it's not just literally what's in your head. So that was my original draw of seeing the connection between the mind and body. And then eventually, I just kind of fell in love with it. I love the science of trauma studies. So, that's what I would say first drew me to it.

Exploring Ketamine Therapy

Dr. Jeannine: Okay. Well, my next curious question: you specialize in ketamine therapy. Can you just tell me a little bit about that?

Dr. Soto: Yeah. So, the reason I chose ketamine is because as a psychedelic, it's a little gentler than some of the other ones. Clinically, it's nice because the experience doesn't last as long as some of the other psychedelics. Also, it's a type of experience that helps you see things from a more detached place. With other psychedelics, such as psilocybin for example, psilocybin will sometimes put you directly in it. With all psychedelics, it amplifies only what is there. It's not like psychedelic medicine is really introducing anything out of left field. It's usually what you have within becomes amplified. With other psychedelics, sometimes you can kind of really get lost in it. And I think for me, at least in my experience and what I've seen other people experience, ketamine gives you a little bit of detachment. So, you're able to see a difficult moment without getting pulled into it, where you're able to name, "Oh, that's my grief," or "Oh, that's my fear." And that's the reason why I like it.

That was also a bit of a funny story because prior to me actually going to my first ketamine therapy webinar, I wouldn't have been caught dead in the field of psychedelics.

Dr. Jeannine: Really?

Dr. Soto: Yeah. I was not interested. It was only about three years ago that I decided, "Oh, there's something to this." But prior to that, I saw the field as something that was just full of what I think the term is called "spiritual narcissism." To me, it fits. I felt like there were a lot of people who used it abusively in a sense—just psychedelics in general. There were a lot of people in the field who didn't take it as a true journey that helps you unravel what's going on within you. It was more like a way of spiritual bypassing. And I didn't like that.

I was not interested in it at all until I went to that first webinar. The only reason that happened was because I was planning on making a contract with another clinic. And in their clinic, they were going to be doing ketamine therapy. I remember thinking to myself, "Okay, well, I don't agree with psychedelics, but I want to be well-informed in terms of what I'm getting myself into." And so they suggested going to this webinar, this class, through Polaris.

I remember the first time I was there, I was listening to the speakers, and I was honestly just spacing out, being like, "I'm just here because I want to learn a little bit more, but I don't really care about this." And then Dr. Harvey, his name was, he comes on to speak, and the first thing that he says is, "Ketamine is not a magic bullet." When he said that, that's when I started listening because in my head, I was like, "Oh my gosh, that's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard about the psychedelic field ever. Finally, someone wasn't like, 'Oh yeah, it's the medicine that will just magically transform you.'" No. It'll give you an experience. You have to transform yourself.

Even with ketamine, it'll give you an experience, and it does have the potential to drastically reduce depressive symptoms or symptoms of PTSD. This is true. But the thing is, if you do not work through what put you there in the first place, you're just going to go back. It's not a magical cure. It's not a magical bullet. I think it's a very fun and interesting modality that can get a lot of good juices flowing, but it by itself is not enough basically. And so that's the only reason, if Dr. Harvey hadn't been there, hadn't said that that day, I don't think I would have continued with it. But he was so intriguing that I was like, "I have to meet this guy." And so I went to a ketamine retreat and met him.

Dr. Jeannine: That's awesome.

How Personal Healing Shapes Professional Practice

Dr. Soto: Okay, so now I want to find out, how has your personal journey of healing your own trauma shaped your practice?

Dr. Soto: Oh, man, that's a good question. I feel like I've been reflecting a lot on that recently. I haven't quite fully articulated it all, but I think me going through my own healing journey has really helped me create a safe landing space or container for others. I think what it has allowed me to do in a safe way—and this is something that has been reflected back to me—is that I can kind of get straight to the point in a gentle way. I think it has allowed me to really be able to bring in that gentle container of, "I see what you're going through because I did that. I went through this particular thing." And I'm aware that I don't have to force you to see it. I don't have to push. I can just wait for you to get there or be able to offer. One of the things I do in my practice is I'm okay with sharing my story, because I think it helps when people realize that they're not alone. And even your own provider has gone through their own [stuff]. They're a person too. I think it has made me fairly sensitive to being able to do that, to be present to that. I think that's probably one of the main ways that it has shaped my practice.

Dr. Jeannine: You know, and knowing you, I can affirm that your ability to hold that sacred space, not being pushy, and also sharing your story, which creates that safety to open up. So, thank you. Thank you for sharing all of that.

Dr. Soto: Yeah. Well, thank you. I really appreciate that reflection back. Thank you. Alright, Dr. Jeannine, so it is your turn. So now I get to ask the questions. What I really want to know is that when you were first starting out, were you originally drawn to the trauma specialty?

Dr. Jeannine's Parallel Path

Dr. Jeannine: No. Okay. So what I found interesting when you responded was I did not know that you started out as a massage therapist. I also started out as a massage therapist. But before that, I was interested in psychology mainly because I was always curious as to my parents and the way that they thought and behaved. And then, I was always curious about my own thoughts and behaviors. But when I began my practice, "Goodbye Tension," and I went to massage school and started receiving massages, that's when I recognized the mind-body connection and the trauma that started surfacing within my own being. So that was the first time that connection was even made. And then when I started offering massages, people naturally started talking about their trauma, and I was overwhelmed. I thought, "Who am I to be helping anyone?" Because I'm still healing my trauma, and yet people felt comfortable. And so, I felt I needed to educate myself more.

I just explored different modalities that would help me support clients in regards to processing their emotions, holding sacred space, things like that. And eventually, I stopped resisting the idea of stepping into the trauma field, and I started just being open to it. What eventually started happening was I did eventually write my book about my own trauma, "The Creation of the EDHIR Process," which helps digest those traumatic impressions, and the working with others to digest those impressions. When I got into Ayurvedic medicine, I naturally chose the specialty "Sattva Avajaya Chikitsa," which is a very long Sanskrit word for Ayurvedic for psychiatry and psychotherapy, which is where I am today.

Dr. Soto: Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, it's really interesting here that we have a very similar parallel.

Dr. Jeannine: We do. Yes. It took me... I've been in practice for 22, almost 23 years now, and so it has been that journey that took me to specialize in trauma.

Dr. Soto: Wow. Fascinating. Yeah. I had no idea. I didn't know that about you. That's awesome to find this out live. I love that. Okay. And so, what was it that drew you to Ayurvedic medicine?

A Healing Event Leads to Ayurveda

Dr. Jeannine: Well, that's a fascinating story in itself. I had a medical event that happened where I was actually reading Dr. David Frawley's Ayurveda and the Mind, and as I was reading this book, I had intense pressure on the top of my head. I stood up, and as I walked to go lay down, I collapsed. All of a sudden, I saw myself having a seizure on the floor, which meant if I could see myself having a seizure on the floor, I was out of my body. My partner at the time, I saw him trying to help me, and that's when I realized, "Oh my goodness, I'm not even in my body because I'm watching this all happen." Eventually, I returned to my body, and I couldn't see, and my hands were freezing cold, my feet were freezing cold, and all I knew was, "Do not move me," and, "I cannot be around people," because he obviously wanted to take me to the emergency room. And I knew enough to say, "Get me a piece of toast with honey." Why? I don't know still. And so he does. I spend the night on the hardwood floor with a pillow and blanket.

The next morning, I said, "Okay, we should go to the doctors and run some tests." So we go to the Western doctors and they run some tests. They said, "Well, you did not have a seizure. You did not have a stroke." They ran some brainwave tests, and they said, "Well, we only see this type of activity in really elderly patients. We do see an adhesion on the left side of your hippocampus, but we can't tell whether or not that was already there or not." So, there were no answers. And as I started to describe what I just told you, the look on their face, I realized they're going to send me to the psych ward if I keep talking. So I decided to rescind what I was saying. I said, "So, what is the diagnosis?" And they said, "Well, the official diagnosis is that you had a spell." I said, "Um, okay. So, do I need a witch doctor?" And they just looked at me seriously. I said, "No, I'm serious. If you diagnosed me with a spell, it seems like I need a witch doctor." And they said, "Well, that just basically means we don't really know. There are just a bunch of symptoms. And come back in three months and we'll run some more tests." And I thought, "Okay, well, that doesn't really help."

So I came home and I went to sleep that night, and I had a very vivid dream. I've always had very vivid and lucid dreams, and I've always learned to listen to them. So, in my dream state, I am in India. I'd never had a desire to go to such a place. And I enter this cave where this yogi says, "The only way you're going to heal yourself is through Ayurveda."

I wake up the next morning, and I look on Yelp to see where the nearest Ayurvedic center is, and it happens to be 10 minutes from the house we had just moved to. Wow. So I go to this center, and I meet Dr. J Rajan Kodikoth, who happens to be the doctor that probably two years prior I had seen his face next to Dr. David Frawley, who was the author of that book I was reading. I remember when I saw him, I thought, "This is a very kind man. I would love to know this man." So when I saw him, I was like, "Oh my God, I know him."

Dr. Soto: Wow.

Dr. Jeannine: Now, what was fascinating was he spent an hour and a half with me. He checked my nails. He checked my eyes. He checked my tongue. He checked my skin. He listened to every single detail that I wanted to share about my life. And then he said, "Not to worry. I have a plan for you." And I thought, "Wow." He spent more time with me than the Western doctors. He didn't do any kind of imagery or anything like that, and he has a confident plan. Now I'm very curious. He listed all the things I needed to do. I needed to work on my routine. I needed to get my sleep in order. He listed some herbs I needed to take and that I should come back in a month, and we would review the plan.

When I left, I realized I was also in an academy. And so I signed up right away. I was like, "I need to understand this science mainly to understand myself." And that's when I signed up just to find out what was going on with me. And that's how I began my journey was healing myself. I was so excited because of how it was helping me that I naturally brought it into my practice because I was telling all of my clients. So I went from counselor to practitioner, and then I waited five years for them to bring the doctor program. So I was lucky enough to apprentice with Dr. J for five years until they brought that program so that I could complete my doctor certification and then specialize in the mind.

Dr. Soto: Oh, yeah. Dang. It sounds so synchronic or serendipitous.

Dr. Jeannine: Yes.

Dr. Soto: Serendipitous.

Dr. Jeannine: Yes.

The Most Precious Gift of Healing

Dr. Soto: Wow, that's super cool. Okay, I've got one more question for you. What would you say is the most precious thing you got out of your own trauma healing?

Dr. Jeannine: The most precious thing is the relationship that I have with myself.

And to expand on that, the way I describe trauma is a disconnect that happens as a result of the trauma. And so when that disconnect or disassociation happens, my experience is that there were all these different versions of Jeannine that were disconnected and needed to be discovered. First, I had to explore, "Where are all the versions of Jeannine?" And this is actually how the EDHIR process came to be. First, I had to explore where all of them are. Then, I had to discover all the different versions of Jeannine. Bring them into that safe, sacred space within my own being, and heal them. Give them all the things that they needed. Integrate them, and then learn how to relate with all of the healed versions of me, which is still an ongoing process. Because at the end of the day, who are you spending the most time with? Yourself. The absolute most important relationship we have is with ourselves, and that is the most precious thing that I have learned within this journey of trauma.

Dr. Soto: Yeah. That's awesome. It's awesome that you say that because I feel like I would agree with that in my own life journey, that it's all about coming back home, but home is the self.

Dr. Jeannine: Yes, absolutely.

Dr. Soto: Coming back to the self. And it's interesting, you know, it is an interesting topic because I feel like in this day and age, or what seems to be the louder voice, is always about the community and the "we." Which I do agree that there needs to be a balance, of course. There is community, right? We can't escape it. We're humans, we're social. But there's also the singular unit, which is the self. And the reality is, and I tell my patients this a lot, that in order to have healthy community, we need to have a healthy self. And in order to do that, we kind of need to let go of what everybody else thinks or the "we" so we can come back and figure out, "What do I want? What do I need?" And the resistance always is, "Oh well, that might be selfish," or, "I can't do that."

But the thing is, and again, I tell my patients this, you cannot transmute your species as of right now. If you take the time to truly heal yourself, and have attention to you and truly do what you desire, guess what a healthy human is going to do? They're a social species. They're going to start connecting in relationships, and they're going to want healthy relationships, which is going to lead to healthy larger relationships, which is going to lead to healthy community. But until we choose to do that for ourselves, we're not going to find it in the community because the community is made up of selves.

Dr. Jeannine: Exactly.

Dr. Soto: We need to be able to take that moment of finding that precious gift. Because I feel like, like you said, that precious realization from trauma is also something that is a precious gift that's inherent. As we were born, as we came here, whatever spirituality or religion you believe in, we were still given a self. It is the precious gift of being alive. So why not look at it? Why not nurture it? Because we're going to be with this particular self forever until we die. That's the most intimate relationship you will ever build. It's the relationship with yourself.

Dr. Jeannine: Yes. I love that. Thank you. Every time I hear that, it gets more beautiful.

[Laughter]

Dr. Soto: Yeah, me too. There's like a warm fuzzy feeling. I'm like, "Yes." Life is the lesson of learning to fully accept and love the self unconditionally, at least in my world.

Dr. Jeannine: I 100% agree with you.

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